So I’ve been gone from the blogging scene for a while now, because life decided to throw a thousand things in my way. These past few months have been made of bad news, lots of waiting, feeling in limbo, not knowing how to feel about things, and generally learning to cope. Because learning that a friend you consider a sister is terminally ill with cancer (when she has been fighting it for years already) isn’t something that just nicely slots into your life and around which everything can continue. But the thing is, everything has to continue. Time doesn’t stop just because of horrible news and whether it takes days, weeks, or months, there comes a point where normalcy returns despite the big ugly black thing lurking in the shadows.
And for me, that time is now.
Suffering from anxiety and depression as I do, the news hit hard, triggering a thousand thoughts (the loudest of which often was ‘it should have been me, I’m just a waste of human space so it should have been me’) that I’ve had to battle with. On top of that, my brother’s chronic illness hasn’t really been giving him a break for the last four months (constant pain + fatigue + insomnia are just part of the lovely cocktail of symptoms he has to put up with!) and you can imagine that blogging, or being online altogether was the last thing on my mind.
So I spent month comfort playing Final Fantasy XIV until the day where I couldn’t imagine sitting there, on that sofa, in the same spot, playing all day long anymore. It got to the point where I just had to move, to stop the rut in which I had gotten. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t and I have proudly not gamed all day for around a week now. I may not have done much instead (although boring paperwork/phone calls and cleaning the kitchen made for a decent start) but at least I tried. I came back to my desk, I turned my computer on, and I redesigned my blog so it would feel like a fresh start.
I might not feel stronger than when all this started, but I certainly feel more determined to not let all the shit 2014 is intent on throwing at me crush me. I’m lucky enough to have my brother as my moral support (and he does a damn good job of being there for me) and friends with whom I can say ‘fuck you world’ and leave real life behind for a time to go kill dragons and monsters in the virtual world of Eorzea.
Of course now I’m a gazillion book reviews behind, have at least two series from start to finish and don’t even know where to start! I’ve read (well, listened really, thank god for audiobooks!) good books, great books, bad books, and one particularly awful one, but I’m not even sure how to get back into the reviewing game with so much else to do. So, whilst I decide whether to start with the good or the bad (or somewhere in between) books, I’ve decided to try this 15 day Book Blogger Challenge that I saw kicking around on the internet.
15 days of daily posting sounds like one hell of a challenge, but if that doesn’t get me back in the groove of being, active, I don’t know what will! So here what you can expect to see on my blog for the next two weeks (starting either today or tomorrow depending on ~stuff~).
And hey, who knows, you might even get the odd review in the middle!